8/15/2007

mama, I’m worried about him
because I always feel in the wrong
but I haven’t done anything
literally
sitting in the basement
stewing in my distresses
and working daily for new lessons
all kinds of lives to live
but with him
I feel like a villain in this skin
like brotherly love isn’t enough
and brotherly spite
it fucking bites
and I haven’t the will to bite back
maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t really there
maybe he’s so distant that he doesn’t even care
when I’m distressed
or when I’m worried or when he’s missed
but the truth is
it’s lonely in this house
and I’m here almost every day
I just want an escape
from being on my own
I want my brother to come home
--
is it wrong
that I look forward to burning my fingerprints off?
a day of labor that leaves me near dead
sits so much better when I lay in this bed
than a day where I kick back and “relax”
there’s no relief in sheets
when I didn’t work for my sleep
I’d much rather be drenched in dish water
or burned from coffee and grills
or cut from knives
or frozen from a walk-in fridge
than pretend I’m tired
when I did nothing all day.