5/3/2008

always nice to know
that you give me no concern
all your little thoughts
are yours alone
sleep and eat and bitch and moan
on and on and on the phone
never seem to let me know
what would make this all make sense
just leave me on the edge
tilting ever so slightly
to the point where I might be
too gone to catch myself
can’t be helped
I’ll eventually crawl back up
when I’m too shit out of luck
to care about anyone else
I’ll trample along their heads
convince myself they’re dead
or much better off that way
and all you’ll ever say
is that I don’t listen enough
I don’t give enough
I don’t do enough
to live up
to who you assume I should be
--
oh I spend each day in an awkward state
perpetual distress keeping me awake
hard to sit and relish an early rise
or bask in the glow of a well spent night
these days are weak and overused
same damn routines
and the same abuse
money isn’t worth all the time I’ve lost
while scrutinizing over the look and cost

I sold my soul to fit a mold
I claim I made but hardly know
staring in windows or tinted glass
I don’t know the frame that’s staring back
disgusted with lust and escape from myself
this ill-conceived belief in my pride
never afraid to ask for help
but I’m too terrified to sleep at night

I wonder how often it wakes you up
thinking that something is seriously fucked
sacrifices and lives you’ve up and dismissed
no matter how often they’re painfully missed
I’m tired
I’m wired
I’m fucking distressed
losing myself
to put it at best
to put it worst
my head fucking hurts
and my heart
and my hand
and my whole