7/14/2007

I still sleep
think only of defeat
and pretend that my head isn’t dead just yet
warding off a bitter end
wondering always
what’ll happen next
but I can’t predict the future
and I’m disgusted with the past
too many minutes to look back
and raise a single finger at
don’t believe me when I say
I know what I’m fucking saying!
don’t believe me when I say
anything to you.

hope this isn’t a crossroad
I’ll never know which way to turn
ingesting all these words
hoping they’ll be real for once
instead of some junk I made up
I’m tired of fire and brimstone
and soap in my mouth at all times
I just want to go one whole night
without someone hearing me wrong
it’s easy to misinterpret
what I claim to be my view
but it’s really just some bullshit
used to impress you.

wonder under the summer sun
sleep deeper when winter comes
spring and fall
don’t call at all
but I wouldn’t answer if they did
just let the machine get it
screen as they leave a message
listen half hearted
and delete it
cause I don’t need it
not today anyway.
--
I always want what I can’t get
because my timing is never right
wait a couple weeks and miss the chance
hold the hands
kiss the cheeks
but don’t feel a thing
because all that matters is what I want to feel right
it’s not what helps me fall asleep at night
because the music is different from the words that they say
so why even try to match up right these days
I’m tired of liars and feeling like one
because I’m trying for something I promised was done
I want to get to know you
I know everyone else so well
be something new to me
something I can learn
instead sitting in the basement
rewriting all the lessons
hoping there’s something in them
I don’t already know