4/19/2011

Wedded to an empty bed
and raising angry, distant kids
wonder where their mother is
wonder who their fathers been
all they see of me these weeks
pale skin and sunken eyes
scrubbing floors and repainting rooms
replacing every trace of you

here for a weekend and gone for a month
business as usual has eaten you up
we stopped buying toiletries
overstocked on complimentary
coffee cups, shampoo, slippers, robes
single blade razors
nail clippers
bars of soap

I’m been tallying finances and collecting loose change
a little something here and there
to feel more secure or safe
working and cooking and sleeping
for what it’s worth
but nothing
not a damn thing I try
seems to work

sitting on bar stools stealing smiles from old flames
people calling me out
always saying I’ve changed
my left hand is weighted
this ring turned to a chain
and I’m begging to hide it
not explain it
away

still sitting on the porch with a bouquet at my feet
still smiling like a child when you step out the taxi
still eager to speak before you fall asleep
though different time zones are getting to me
still buying you drinks when you’re here for the week
still joking that maybe this time you won’t leave
still telling you that, yes, I am still happy
though different time zones are eating through me

counting a marriage by miles
most couples tally their years
how long is too long?
how far is too far?
and do you
oh do you
wish you were here?