2/1/2007

I’ve been stuck on repeat
for so many weeks
so many months
can’t turn myself off
lost the remote
and the buttons all broke
I keep going
recycling
and no end
could happen
there’s no end in sight
but tonight
come on
I’ve been crawling on walls and ceilings
scouring back alleys
behind row homes
don’t know though
why I can’t seem to sleep at night
probably has something to do with
sleeping at all other times
except when I need to be
flat on my back
eyes closed and steadily breathing
instead of tossing and turning and teething
and heaving deeps breaths
in an attempt to stay in bed
but eventually
I force myself out
wander around until my feet can barely move
so you
you can pretend I’m over this
and I
I can pretend it just the same
but the way I keep clawing at the evening
there’s no way that morning could be welcoming
at least not anytime soon
--
said “I’m losing my best friend”
I said what a coincidence
so much distance
and now you act like I’ve not right
to feel left out and jaded
well, my friend, you made it
you put those emotions in me
you didn’t see
I didn’t see
no one really saw it happen
but I’ve felt it
and it really fucking hurts