10/31/2010

bad news on week nights
I forgot what sunrise felt like
sleeping through weekends
barely speaking to my friends
just drifting drifting drifting through the rooms
sitting and singing songs I used to
feel some connection with
before I fell into this
disinterest and tired life
these weak wings aren’t lifting anything
flightless and foul
goddamn I got down
when’s the step that lifts me up again?
how many stairwells do I have to run up
before my breathing is steady
and I feel ready
to shoot for the fucking moon
instead of wallowing in old saloons
drinking shit I don’t even want
and forgetting why I hadn’t forgot
all those precious moments
memories overloaded
with bad times and good eyes
tired smiles and love lives
that didn’t really come to be
can I please
go back to the night when I sat at your house
‘til 4 in the morning
without a doubt
that I should have stayed
the whole night
the next day
why
fucking dammit
did I leave?
--
fist to the wall
it’s as close as I get
to punching myself
as hard as I can
and as much as I deserve
it doesn’t even seem to hurt
these days may break
these bones may creak
these days may hurt
these hands hardly work
but it’ll be just fine
oh it’ll be all right
never surprised
never wide awake
holding on to tomorrow
forever ignoring today
fist to the wall
forgetting it all
used to think with my heart
used to follow my soul
pretended I was affectionate
not hardened and cold
why try to be warm anymore
if I’m not parking at your door?

why stop driving at all
why stop driving at all
why stop driving at all
why stop driving at all
fist to the wall
why stop driving at all

there’s nowhere to go
if I can’t call you home
why stop driving at all?

10/27/2010

I’ll drag it through the city
let the weight break through the street
pull up the concrete
expose the sewers
let the stench infect
let the senses connect
this hideous vision of a societal dream
the perfect balance of despair and defeat
countries gone to shit
maybe I’ll photograph it
drag this heavy lense along
and capture every wrong
make a bill
off scenes that could kill
if we weren’t so detached and distracted
the world is dying
we don’t see a thing
‘cept green
trying to make a profit off any and every thing
--
who needs skin when the moon is high
who needs lips when the breeze is cool
when the sun set looks just right
when the grass is always greener when you’re sitting on it
who needs touch when the skies are clear
who needs love when the world is up
don’t bring me down
don’t bring me down
don’t
bring me
down

10/18/2010

this air is cool enough to eat
I can taste these days
and they pass through me
like a cool wind
or a warm breeze
altered perception of temperament
I knew the heat so well
and it up and left
so this winter wind is bound to sit
ill at ease in me
let the cold take hold
these eyes grow wide
frozen open and rising to the sky
let it precipitate
I’ll wait
for this skin to get thick and rock solid
I’ll hide in
this form of a man that I am
this mess of a boy I represent
this illogical codger on the side of the road
that hates the heat and loves the cold
can I go
back to the old way of living
watching my breath leave my lips
and loving the taste of it
this heat
it does nothing for me
--
you
are a mess
and I wish
I could be
disheveled
with you

9/29/2010

I’m here because you’re not
I’m here because it’s a lot
to take in
to give in
to accept and not regret
to learn from it
to not spit in the face of the fakes I once loved
to not sit with this anger on my tongue
swallow these foul words and weak breaths
I guess
there’s bound to be a solution in these evenings
there’s bound to be a reason in leaving
I’m seeing seasons as the same old transition
hot to cold and I keep living
with a heart on the shelf and a desperate pull to yell
at the top of my mother fucking lungs
don’t dare stare
don’t point or speak out
you don’t know
what I’m thinking about
never have and never will
so kill
every empty think you thought of me
I don’t need
your judgmental eyes and minds
I’ll live this life outside
it’s safer that way
living away
from all you fucking fakes
--
can I slip in next to you tonight?
there’s an awful sound outside
there’s a scent that lingers in these dark rooms
I’m trying to remember you
and forget everyone else
hide this past in your fresh skin
quell these memories with your scent and heat
try to awake without a thought
I want
to follow my lust for once
forget yesterday and tomorrow
swallow today whole
let’s go
down these dark, dark roads
let’s forget our moral codes
let’s go
down these dark, dark roads

9/21/2010

darkened shades and
grainy days
my voice is falling short of
what I really want to say
these arms aren’t long enough
to reach up
for what I want
and it’s all on me to be
something more than what I am
it’s all on me to cause
some change in these strange days
I’ve got to push those empty nights
away
I’ve got to walk through the door
some day
some day soon
I’m not going to waste away
waiting for you
darkened shades and
grainy days
I’ll chase these
black and white evenings
and get back to seeing
life in a brighter light

9/2/2010

I woke up and I broke out
and I’m never going back
swore to the high heavens
that I wouldn’t live with that
that hurt that pull that missing link
that strain that makes a weak man drink
that loss that turns the world to black
I’ll stick with the light
yeah I’m never going back

I remember feeling better away
in a passenger seat on a pitch black street
ghostly highways filled my days
my nights were spent with stars
I wrote my notes on whatever I could
and wanted to be as far
as far from normal as a young blood could be
yeah that’s me
always searching for a reason to leave
yeah that’s me
focused on the haves and the lacks
used to be me
yeah I’m never going back

I’ll work these fingers to the bone
‘til I remember just what it’s like
to go to bed with an empty head
and a body too heavy to rise
feeling like I was fighting an army all day
feeling like something needs to fucking change
because if I keep working my life away
I just may go out of my brain
these evenings that leave me beaten to death
with a voice in my head and the world at my back
taking each breath with a hollowed out chest
yeah I’m never going back

I don’t need you like I used to
oh I don’t need you at all
so if you want to take it back
oh if you want to take it back
yeah if you want to take it back
yeah I’m never going back

8/8/2010

what happened to baltimore?
used to be these streets were free
now I’m paying every which way
slept in cars and drove so far
in circles around this town
just to find a simpler time
when friends and family weren’t a mystery
when it was all so clearly defined
when it was yours
when it was mine
remember when baltimore was still alive?

long enough to not feel loved
close enough to forget her touch
but there’s still a voice in this head
and I want to turn this clock back
keep the age but change the times
keep the cash but change the shifts
keep the mind but change the soul
remember when we knew where to go?
these streets are a mess these weeks
lost in thought on cracked sidewalks
too many tired or strained thoughts and talks
let’s all
forget the shit that’s been said
forget the drinks we could have
throw those toxins to the wind
let’s be
something old
go back to the days
when all we needed was a reason
to walk out the front door
and we’d walk out the front door

we don’t do that anymore