12/23/2010

I’ll take you through all the dark parts of this town
and see what the sun gives up
when it gives us
something new to look at
where have you been
since you forgot about friends
where did your heart go
when you were afraid to go home
I’m singing to the seasons
and I’m walking past the streets
searching for security
in oceans and trees
wading into waters that are too dirty to drink
I think
I’m trying to replace the space
that was occupied by your perfect face
in my mind
there’s a gap
a deep synapse
that I just can’t seem to fill
and it kills
knowing you’re not here for me
or with me
whichever one hurts worse

12/10/2010

I stopped listening to you well before you moved
yeah the sentences never seemed to sink in
wrote out the lines that I had on my mind
pretended they extended from your lips
full o’ shit
yeah I was oh so full o’ shit

it amazes me baby when I remember the best
moments I swore to high heaven to forget
sometimes I sleep and you creep into me
sometimes your memory infects my dreams
push that face away
I’m pushing that face away

don’t stand in the corner and talk to some friends
don’t down a few drinks and pretend you're content
standing on separate sides of the room
your eyes drift to my side and your feet
will keep pulling you to me
and the second
oh one second
you’ll be in arm’s reach
and me?
fuck that
I’ll leave

I don’t want your pity or touch
poisonous lips pressing words at my neck
you never shot for my ears
never stared straight in my eyes
pushed to the side
keep pushing me to the side
I don’t mind
I’m out of fucks to give

so I’m leaving
and I’m driving
and I’m dying
but it’s slow enough to ignore
I don’t notice anymore
how every day feels less okay
I’ve hit the grey
I may be at a standstill
but I’m still standing so
fuck you
fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou

12/5/2010

illicit attention but forget where it’s from
remember when you felt like
you were never wrong?
now the wrong outweigshs the rights
and the right turns every night
take you closer to home
than you wanted to go
take a left
there’s a road you haven’t traveled yet
take a detour
there must be more
to these back country landscapes that take
forever to return from
facing the moon and the sun
shunning one or the other
based on the day
there’s honesty hidden
behind that hard face
smile and fake it
or truly believe
there’s a reason to be
on these streets
going until you don’t know where you’re from
and no one
no one
knows your name.
--
I’m eager to leave this behind
forget these pipe dreams
get back to being
the standard of living
shifting through the days
right foot and then left foot
contained by the strain
I am holding and believing
that I really shouldn’t leave
there’s a home in here for me
oh believe
there’s a house to build and lead
oh believe
there’s a family to raise and praise
to carry every single weight
to find someone
to love someone
until the sun
eats everyone
oh believe
there’s something here for me.

10/31/2010

bad news on week nights
I forgot what sunrise felt like
sleeping through weekends
barely speaking to my friends
just drifting drifting drifting through the rooms
sitting and singing songs I used to
feel some connection with
before I fell into this
disinterest and tired life
these weak wings aren’t lifting anything
flightless and foul
goddamn I got down
when’s the step that lifts me up again?
how many stairwells do I have to run up
before my breathing is steady
and I feel ready
to shoot for the fucking moon
instead of wallowing in old saloons
drinking shit I don’t even want
and forgetting why I hadn’t forgot
all those precious moments
memories overloaded
with bad times and good eyes
tired smiles and love lives
that didn’t really come to be
can I please
go back to the night when I sat at your house
‘til 4 in the morning
without a doubt
that I should have stayed
the whole night
the next day
why
fucking dammit
did I leave?
--
fist to the wall
it’s as close as I get
to punching myself
as hard as I can
and as much as I deserve
it doesn’t even seem to hurt
these days may break
these bones may creak
these days may hurt
these hands hardly work
but it’ll be just fine
oh it’ll be all right
never surprised
never wide awake
holding on to tomorrow
forever ignoring today
fist to the wall
forgetting it all
used to think with my heart
used to follow my soul
pretended I was affectionate
not hardened and cold
why try to be warm anymore
if I’m not parking at your door?

why stop driving at all
why stop driving at all
why stop driving at all
why stop driving at all
fist to the wall
why stop driving at all

there’s nowhere to go
if I can’t call you home
why stop driving at all?

10/27/2010

I’ll drag it through the city
let the weight break through the street
pull up the concrete
expose the sewers
let the stench infect
let the senses connect
this hideous vision of a societal dream
the perfect balance of despair and defeat
countries gone to shit
maybe I’ll photograph it
drag this heavy lense along
and capture every wrong
make a bill
off scenes that could kill
if we weren’t so detached and distracted
the world is dying
we don’t see a thing
‘cept green
trying to make a profit off any and every thing
--
who needs skin when the moon is high
who needs lips when the breeze is cool
when the sun set looks just right
when the grass is always greener when you’re sitting on it
who needs touch when the skies are clear
who needs love when the world is up
don’t bring me down
don’t bring me down
don’t
bring me
down

10/18/2010

this air is cool enough to eat
I can taste these days
and they pass through me
like a cool wind
or a warm breeze
altered perception of temperament
I knew the heat so well
and it up and left
so this winter wind is bound to sit
ill at ease in me
let the cold take hold
these eyes grow wide
frozen open and rising to the sky
let it precipitate
I’ll wait
for this skin to get thick and rock solid
I’ll hide in
this form of a man that I am
this mess of a boy I represent
this illogical codger on the side of the road
that hates the heat and loves the cold
can I go
back to the old way of living
watching my breath leave my lips
and loving the taste of it
this heat
it does nothing for me
--
you
are a mess
and I wish
I could be
disheveled
with you

9/29/2010

I’m here because you’re not
I’m here because it’s a lot
to take in
to give in
to accept and not regret
to learn from it
to not spit in the face of the fakes I once loved
to not sit with this anger on my tongue
swallow these foul words and weak breaths
I guess
there’s bound to be a solution in these evenings
there’s bound to be a reason in leaving
I’m seeing seasons as the same old transition
hot to cold and I keep living
with a heart on the shelf and a desperate pull to yell
at the top of my mother fucking lungs
don’t dare stare
don’t point or speak out
you don’t know
what I’m thinking about
never have and never will
so kill
every empty think you thought of me
I don’t need
your judgmental eyes and minds
I’ll live this life outside
it’s safer that way
living away
from all you fucking fakes
--
can I slip in next to you tonight?
there’s an awful sound outside
there’s a scent that lingers in these dark rooms
I’m trying to remember you
and forget everyone else
hide this past in your fresh skin
quell these memories with your scent and heat
try to awake without a thought
I want
to follow my lust for once
forget yesterday and tomorrow
swallow today whole
let’s go
down these dark, dark roads
let’s forget our moral codes
let’s go
down these dark, dark roads