4/22/2010

standing with my feet
stuffed soundly past my teeth
pushing ever further
until my throat meets my knees
holding on to words you’ve heard
but have you really heard a word?
I’ve written these lines so many times
I’ve tried to define what’s on my mind
I’ve looked you in your shiftless eyes
delving shoveling in to find
the proper way to say
please listen to me
you deserve
you have earned
you’ve fought and wrought and your skin is taught
you’ve toiled and tilled
damn near fucking killed
yourself
for somebody else
cut them off
it cannot be helped
--
too much grey to see my face
reflected in the mirror view
driving away
driving away
from you
another night spent on someone else’s time
cradling and abating someone else’s mind
putting fists through words that I shouldn’t say
as they drift through the cold
to your sullen face
I’m tired of looking at those bright wide eyes
and seeing a dim flickering light
there should be a flame burning straight through me
not a cold sinking into your soul

what I want to say to you
what I want to do for you
however I can try to prove
something that can’t be said
put your hand
in my hand
and rest that weighted head
you don’t
deserve
this hurt
this pain
this dread.
--
I lied when I lied in your arms last night
and said I’d be fine as I drove 695
to this bed that I just
can’t feel comfortable in
unless I duck under the covers
and nestle up to your skin
there’s a wicked sort of feeling
when I’m driving through the gray
I can’t see the street in front of me
just all my past mistakes
and I wallow in this feeling
of feeling like I don’t belong
on the path that’s set ahead of me
see these one way streets seem wrong
can I wake and relay
how it feels to finally say
there’s a feeling in my chest
I’ve never felt before today
it’s a burning and a churning
and it leaves me fucking cold
to the world that spins around
whenever you are not around

is this love or is it strain
am I falling or in pain
who can tell me how it feels
to be feeling something real
is this heartache an attack
I keep checking over my back
hoping that I’ll find you
but knowing I’m not going to

can I keep you?