8/8/2010

what happened to baltimore?
used to be these streets were free
now I’m paying every which way
slept in cars and drove so far
in circles around this town
just to find a simpler time
when friends and family weren’t a mystery
when it was all so clearly defined
when it was yours
when it was mine
remember when baltimore was still alive?

long enough to not feel loved
close enough to forget her touch
but there’s still a voice in this head
and I want to turn this clock back
keep the age but change the times
keep the cash but change the shifts
keep the mind but change the soul
remember when we knew where to go?
these streets are a mess these weeks
lost in thought on cracked sidewalks
too many tired or strained thoughts and talks
let’s all
forget the shit that’s been said
forget the drinks we could have
throw those toxins to the wind
let’s be
something old
go back to the days
when all we needed was a reason
to walk out the front door
and we’d walk out the front door

we don’t do that anymore

8/5/2010

still swinging at walls and shelves
when I’m feeling ill
when I’m feeling well
still burning and churning and turning
at every mention of the evenings
I spent wide awake
willing to wait
but never ready enough
for the break

still sick of rain and sunshine
still sick of living outside
still hiding under covers all day and night
I wonder when I’ll be alive enough to speak
tell your friends you want to be
on your own for a couple of weeks
I bet they won’t listen
I bet they come bangin’
at your old front door
I told my friends the bear minimum
and it maximized my alone time
work all day
skate all night
sleep until I feel
all right

drive this car too far
but I’ll always make it back
no matter how long it takes me
I know how strong it’ll make me
sang a song of sickness
a pocket full of lies
I trusted someone
believed in someone
and they pushed me aside

look me in the eyes
and tell me what you want
I’ll watch that mouth run dry
cause you’re still fucking lost
searching for something you won’t get
because if you try to find it
it won’t happen
it won’t happen
you can’t force it to exist

so cleverly defined in your mind
love isn’t just a look and find
it’s a fucking struggle
and you’re not able
to say a word
to keep it close
when was the last time you went home
with an honest smile behind those eyes
there’s an emptiness
in your heart
every night

good night.
--
I’m not in the mood to step outside
but I’m in no mood tonight
for this bed of mine
let’s sit on this floor
this stained carpet needs attention
and it could keep us up all night
I’m drunk and fucking angry
and who knows who you are tonight
just another face to push aside
in the morning
I’ll make breakfast
I’ll make small talk
and then I’ll walk
until I forget
where I was and who I was with

why do I always forget
that I’m not really into this?
these sweat soaked sheets and short breaths
these awkward nights of unrest
I used to think there was release
in skin to skin and being free
and now I’m starting to see
it’s nothing but
body heat

I’m going cold.

7/30/2010

it finally occurred to me
that we’re not doing this right
been apart for up to a month
still breaking every other night
I guess it’s not the words fault
I guess it isn’t yours or mine
let’s take the blame and place it
on time

I’ll see you eventually
when I don’t see you every morning
cause when I open these eyes
you’re the first face on my mind
this shit isn’t easy
but we’ve dealt with this before and
I need to forget the weight of your lips
on my hand the first night we re-met

it’s not good bye
it’s wait it out
I’m filled with indecision
and you're so sick of living
with guilt and pity for me
I wrote too much to ever touch
on how I feel tonight
so let’s just let this lie
so let’s just let this die
I’ll see you when you’re never on my mind

good morning empty head
let’s get out of this bed
there’s other faces to find
so many ways to waste our time
good night to you my dear
I’ll see you in a year
or however long it takes
to make
you and me
not feel like we
we’ll talk when the feeling is gone

7/15/2010

I wrote a song to fit your smile
but all you do these days is stare
sit to the side and wonder where
oh where could that happy ending be

something must be eluding me
cause I just can’t see the confusion
the horizon
the skies are shinin’
and I’d be lyin’
if I said I don’t enjoy this
I live for this
disinterest and disgust
this feeling keeps me reelin’
it’s just
more fuel for the fire
so come on and take me higher
tear this heart apart my darlin’
tear me limb from limb
tear out this soul and send me home
I’ll keep sing-singin’

watch this town fall down and frown
I’ll keep dancing along the streets
watch the world light up and burn
I’ll never fall to my knees
see me in the mirror
making faces at myself
cause it’s all I got these days
well
except this life of mine
and the friends I find
and the job I work
and this feelin’ hurt
and this feelin’ free
so eager to be
astounded and ousted by you
whatever the fuck you want to do
I’ll take it all

baby I’ll be your bed sheets
I’ll be your comforter
I’ll wrap you up for slumber
and keep you warm at night

baby, I’ll be your pillow
that you beat when you can’t sleep
fluff until it’s enough
and you’re ready to drift off

baby, I’ll be those old shoes
with holes and broken soles
walk along me for days and weeks
and lose me in the sea

baby, I’ll be your bracelet
hiding your tattoos
hiding the real you
from folks afraid of the truth

baby, I’ll be your wind shield
covered in rain and debris
wiped clean twice a month
quickly filthied back up

baby, I’ll be that madness
that drives you up the walls
that keeps you up at night
that tears through to sunrise

baby, I’ll be anything
anything at all
as long as you get off your ass
and give me a fucking call
--
rosetta, don’t you see me
in the middle of the street
this song trailing off my tongue
carried to the buildings - to the sun
rosetta, what’s the story
why try to deny what could be so fine
there’s a world outside this room
and there’s a door to be walked through

rosetta, this song is so old and decayed
I felt something for you that I threw away
I forgot about feeling and affection and trust
and just... I just... I just...
rosetta, don’t let it
don’t let it all pass
through the window
through the mirror
through any surface of glass
rosetta, don’t let it
don’t let it fall through your hands
there’s something worth holding
if you give it the chance

rosetta, do you hear me
shouting to the highest peaks
there’s something that needs to be said
if you would only listen to me
rosetta, let it happen
let it happen on it’s own
and I swear before you know it
we’ll call this house our home

7/8/2010

guess I’m not the first young blood to find
it gets harder to sleep at night
when you forget the weight that sat
on the edge of the bed in the morning
when you forget the weight that laid
by your side until sunrise

guess I’m not the first young blood to see
there’s a greener tint to everything
when you used to see the world with two sets
of effervescent eyes
walking the streets with harmonious feet
and swinging interlaced fingers and hands

guess I’m not the first young blood to get
to push themselves to somehow forget
that feeling of waking with a goal in mind
that burning in the morning to make a life
to get that home, that family, that wife
to make something of themselves

guess I’m still the same young blood
searching for a reason to believe
there’s more to this town
to the people around
to the jobs that I work
to that feelin’ of hurt
to driving and walking and bein’
here
where I’m always somewhere
other in my mind
maybe I’m just trying to find
that place to call my home
thought I’d found it in you
and now this young blood don’t know
this young blood just don’t know

7/5/2010

sometimes
you wake up on the side of the road
in a town you can’t say you know
thought these streets were home
but sometimes
these sidewalks are so cold
sometimes
this sun beats down so hard
and sometimes
there’s an ache in your heart
sometimes
there’s an ache in your heart

you take what you can and stress over things
that never seemed important until
you knew they were leaving
the evenings
are worth waiting through to find
there’s still one more sunrise
if you wait out the whole night
there’s still that one sunrise
to push through if you feel it
if you feel it falling apart
if you feel like that heart
is fallin’ apart

sometimes
you wake up on the passenger side
and wonder how long you slept
sometimes
you wake up with her by your side
and wonder where the hell she’s been
sometimes
you wake up alone and find
you’re not surprised
sometimes
that feelings sinks in
that feeling of waking
for nothing
--
I’ve got silence on tap
and a song in my throat
let’s see which one
is drowned out

6/17/2010

drove myself home last night
well before first mornings light
because this town and people around
build me up and beat me down
nothing seems to fit these feet
these ankles creek and these heels bleed
walking until I just can’t see
why I left my home and street

I wrote a song to sing to you
to put to words what I have learned
from crawling around these city sidewalks
to clawing these walls and hiding heated talks
drunk enough to not give a fuck
but I’ll be sober up soon enough
and the fucks will creep back up
I want to be someone I can trust

no more keys and cars and stars
ignitions and evenings of driving too far
burning my gas because I hate my past
nothing gets solved from not looking back
taking these feet to this shitty concrete
I’ll walk until these weak words seem complete
I’ll empty my savings and make my own way
everyday is just another day

stuck in this city this county this hole
this wicked existence that I call my home
these wide awake mornings and tired twilights
these extensive evenings and wild midnights
stuck in this feeling of being fucking stuck
when there’s so many means to leave
stuck in this feeling of wanting so much
when I already have what I need

I’m fuckin’ stuck.