4/25/2012

losing my voice in a room full of noise
overflowing with violence
there’s silence on my tongue
breathing for this evening
tomorrow my throat will close
irritated to the point of sedation
but I’m not running home

sitting on a curb in a city I don’t know
unfamiliar with the buildings
the street urchins aren’t disgusting
there’s cleanliness in this
I’m used to diseased streets
this town isn’t a shit show
and I don’t feel at home

bar crawls used to be a gamble
the wrong corner or door could be death
you wandered an alley and came out unscathed
no clue how you managed to survive the next day
there was a time
there was a life
rough and disgusting
never, ever trusting
traffic lights or strangers in the night
there was a life

4/19/2012

wake up with the shakes
don’t know which breath to take
cause the more these words escape
the less I sleep

drawn out and on the dime
told my momma I’m feelin’ fine
but I’m always checkin’ the time
I don’t wanna leave

oh maybe it’s me
but I’d bet money
it’s not just me
so maybe it’s you
but you haven’t a clue
what the hell to do
so maybe it’s us
oh maybe it’s we
baby, plurality
crept in between
when did you and me
turn into we?

I could use a drink
or I could take a drive
anything to put
these thoughts out my mind
I could sing a song
or I could write a line
anything to put
these thoughts out my mind

11/22/2011

I am breathless in the morning
dead eyed at the dawn
there’s a city ripe for wandering
and I won’t remain for long
these nights are spent out of my head
without the proper words to say
just hiding in someone’s skin
whilst my mind drifts further away

call me to those old roads home
with blurred vision and a song in my throat
the sun is up enough to fill my lungs
there’s a warmth I’m eating up
I don’t feel too put together but
I’ve sure as hell been more torn apart
are we a mess of flesh
or a breath of rest
I don’t want to get
caught up in this
web of intent affection and time spent
building up to a break
and so
I will not stay

the sun is up and my engines hum
is keeping my eyes wide
for now...

11/10/2011

you’ll have to excuse me
stepping out for a week
getting out of this city
and heading for heat
this weather is waning
bearing down on me
and these country roads home
are too dark to see
I need a sunrise
to match my wild eyes
concerned with the world elsewhere
while my body is stiffening
frozen and grounded here
before long these roads will be covered
and I’ll be trapped in this haven called home
it’s the only place that I know
I'm seeking somewhere else to go.

11/4/2011

I needed you
not like I thought I did
holding on to someone who wouldn’t give
anything
because love was never on your mind
I needed you
to ruin my life
because it wasn’t right
I wasn’t doing anything right

walking the same streets
taking the same roads
never feeling at home
I needed the means to leave
I needed to be
completely
dissatisfied with myself and my state
I needed the drive to drive myself away
you gave that to me

I don’t want to run into you
when I’m wandering through this town
I’ll stick to my side of the road
and I won’t cross if I know
you could be on the other side
why confront what I don’t want?
moved on and grew up
I’m not saying I don’t give a fuck
but the fuck that I give
just isn’t enough
to call and catch up
don’t call to catch up
don’t call to catch up
don’t call to catch up
it’s not enough

I’ll miss this city
but I won’t miss you
I’ll miss this city
but I won’t miss you
I won’t miss you.

10/18/2011

conflicting visions and closing walls
if this floor could talk
it would tell you to
get the fuck off
a mess of skin and sin
a room of misuse
too many faces to register
and I hate you
I hate you.

lost in late night crawls
spitting game for the sake of spitting game
you know you won’t gain
anything
this city is a sentencing
you’re doomed to go it alone
one night to forget your life
and tomorrow it’s back to the grind.

in search of the stairs
I want the fuck out of here
this room is diseased
and I just want to leave
caught in the current
of rhythm and intent
the deep heaving breaths
this life looks like death
and I don’t want it
I want nothing to do
with this fucking room
and I want nothing to do
with any of you.

9/27/2011

awake, standing outside
confused by the view
content to pretend
I mean something to you
well past 1:00 am
but I’m too awake to sedate
to lie down and ignore
the absence of your skin
to crawl to my room
and pretend I’m amused
by the depravity that keeps me at odds with myself
the mess of distress that I bury with wealth
with hours of labor and a cozey paycheck
this dangerous livelihood has me content
I’m nowhere near ecstatic
but I never really expected
anything other than a dull day to day
with a change time and again
but I
I haven’t strayed
following the same roads
carried by the same flow
pulled by an undertow
adrift in my cold home
I think I’ll go
further away every day
until I can say
this
this right here
this is where I should be.
--
I see your naked body again
remembered slightly blurred
because oh how the drinks work
I see your naked body curled
in bed with someone else
and I can tell
it’s better without your scent
the graze of your skin and your breath
but something inside me relents
something inside me regrets
I get
this feeling of distress
and I miss
your scent and your skin and your breath

though I know too well
you’re better left to the wolves
and it’s hell
feeling the way that I should

content to contend with the life I lead
battling day times while night time puts me
at odds with my own self reliance
eager to confide in another
be it stranger, lover, brother
best friend or long lost bed fellow
I need somewhere new to go
these streets are overloaded with memories
and all I ever seem to see
are the eyes that closed when they met mine
before drifting off to sleep

I’d bury my face in your chest once more
if it meant I could catch my breath
disinterest is filling these lungs
and I want
to let it out
proud and loud
the dissatisfaction I’m feeling
I’m reeling
I’m losing myself in myself

I used to know me so well.