8/12/2011

I’ll be this way
for days and days
wandering back rooms and side bars
waiting on curbs for strange cars
seeking sordid evenings
with strangers and bad blood
looking for likenesses
of people I once loved
hiding in the past
hiding from the past
a ghost in a city
close enough to feel at home
but as far as can be
from what I know
--
you were a breath on my neck
a whisper in my ever attentive ears
you were nothing and then all
I could eat sleep breathe believe
and then
it was back to the mundane
and I
I can barely remember anything
--
this is longing
this is strain
this is too much to explain
this stress is all that I have left
and I can’t catch my breath
this is heaven on earth
and that’s what makes it hurt
I am hellbound
burned by the blessed
I am cursed
I am worse than the worst.
--
face to the wall
I won’t talk
make eye contact
do anything
at all
just keep my face
to the wall.