9/29/2010

I’m here because you’re not
I’m here because it’s a lot
to take in
to give in
to accept and not regret
to learn from it
to not spit in the face of the fakes I once loved
to not sit with this anger on my tongue
swallow these foul words and weak breaths
I guess
there’s bound to be a solution in these evenings
there’s bound to be a reason in leaving
I’m seeing seasons as the same old transition
hot to cold and I keep living
with a heart on the shelf and a desperate pull to yell
at the top of my mother fucking lungs
don’t dare stare
don’t point or speak out
you don’t know
what I’m thinking about
never have and never will
so kill
every empty think you thought of me
I don’t need
your judgmental eyes and minds
I’ll live this life outside
it’s safer that way
living away
from all you fucking fakes
--
can I slip in next to you tonight?
there’s an awful sound outside
there’s a scent that lingers in these dark rooms
I’m trying to remember you
and forget everyone else
hide this past in your fresh skin
quell these memories with your scent and heat
try to awake without a thought
I want
to follow my lust for once
forget yesterday and tomorrow
swallow today whole
let’s go
down these dark, dark roads
let’s forget our moral codes
let’s go
down these dark, dark roads

9/21/2010

darkened shades and
grainy days
my voice is falling short of
what I really want to say
these arms aren’t long enough
to reach up
for what I want
and it’s all on me to be
something more than what I am
it’s all on me to cause
some change in these strange days
I’ve got to push those empty nights
away
I’ve got to walk through the door
some day
some day soon
I’m not going to waste away
waiting for you
darkened shades and
grainy days
I’ll chase these
black and white evenings
and get back to seeing
life in a brighter light

9/2/2010

I woke up and I broke out
and I’m never going back
swore to the high heavens
that I wouldn’t live with that
that hurt that pull that missing link
that strain that makes a weak man drink
that loss that turns the world to black
I’ll stick with the light
yeah I’m never going back

I remember feeling better away
in a passenger seat on a pitch black street
ghostly highways filled my days
my nights were spent with stars
I wrote my notes on whatever I could
and wanted to be as far
as far from normal as a young blood could be
yeah that’s me
always searching for a reason to leave
yeah that’s me
focused on the haves and the lacks
used to be me
yeah I’m never going back

I’ll work these fingers to the bone
‘til I remember just what it’s like
to go to bed with an empty head
and a body too heavy to rise
feeling like I was fighting an army all day
feeling like something needs to fucking change
because if I keep working my life away
I just may go out of my brain
these evenings that leave me beaten to death
with a voice in my head and the world at my back
taking each breath with a hollowed out chest
yeah I’m never going back

I don’t need you like I used to
oh I don’t need you at all
so if you want to take it back
oh if you want to take it back
yeah if you want to take it back
yeah I’m never going back