4/27/2012

every now and again
you wake up and roll with it
every now and then
you don’t leave the bed
drawn under covers
like a current in the heat
carrying your body to
a place where you can’t sleep
just toss and toss and toss
and turn
until your eyes are wide
red and barely moving
focusing on nothing
but your breath is short again
can’t snore or sleep at ease
you hardly breathe
just lay in bed
wish her head
was on the pillow next to yours.
--
don’t buy me a drink
I’ll wave my hand to the door
I’ll take my feet and lift these
legs to get the hell away

finding the nighttime more welcoming
than the day I wandered in to escape
never catching a breath in the sun
I can see the words drifting off my tongue

collecting my memories in bottles and cans
half full or half empty
who gives a goddamn
I’m lost in the city without a care
nothing lurks in the shadows round here

crowds of young guns and no sign of old souls
I’m impressed and disgusted
by the lack of decay
this town could use a downpour
I’m not comfortable here anymore

wonder under this burning sun
sit and stare at this familiar moon
do you notice I’m gone
when I miss the hell out of you?
--
burning through the souls of my shoes
burying my face in the remains of your scent
when I crawl home half past dead
I wear my jacket whenever I can
cause it reminds me of the mess of a man
I am
carrying a drink in my pocket
carrying a scowl on my face
breaking the law if I feel too comfortable
I need to be foul now and again
a collection of literature
hides under my bed
always eager to expound upon
but I never read them
playing a role because I can’t find my soul
I knew I left something back home
packed too fast and bolted out the door
now here I am
don’t know why the hell for
but here I am
I’ll stick it out for as long as I can.

4/26/2012

forgetting the reasons for being ill at ease
the air in this town is burning through me
the suns on my neck and constricting this skin
I’m breathing
at least I think that I am
faces replacing the names I once knew
held on for too long
to feeling misused
content with contention
and always eager to interact
raise levels and spit evils
until there are no evils left
just a lack of vision
no more words to say
dried out every argument
til we could only walk away
never in the wrong or right
just vicious spats every single night
cause hey
that’s life
at least we did something with ourselves.
--
take my baby blues, baby
pop them bastards right out my head
don’t want to look around this room
at these winos all half past dead
1:30 AM and I just got my first drink
last call, I order five
lord knows I got to drive
but I’ll sit on the curb
smoke my weekly cigarette
steady my hand
and catch my breath
pretend I’m content
pretend I found it
that home I’ve been hunting for months
fuckin’ years
pretend it’s here
then I’ll take up my legs
carry my frame to my car
slam the door and punch the roof
crank the blues and wander through
back roads I don’t know yet
but I’m getting it
there’s a level of comfort
creeping through the south
it followed me down
and I’m almost proud
close to ecstatic
to say
I’m here to stay
well
I will be eventually
right now
I’m drunk at 3 AM
driving to a bed I barely fit in
hiding my eyes from my family and friends
begging this city to be cold again
this heat
it’s gettin’ to me.

4/25/2012

losing my voice in a room full of noise
overflowing with violence
there’s silence on my tongue
breathing for this evening
tomorrow my throat will close
irritated to the point of sedation
but I’m not running home

sitting on a curb in a city I don’t know
unfamiliar with the buildings
the street urchins aren’t disgusting
there’s cleanliness in this
I’m used to diseased streets
this town isn’t a shit show
and I don’t feel at home

bar crawls used to be a gamble
the wrong corner or door could be death
you wandered an alley and came out unscathed
no clue how you managed to survive the next day
there was a time
there was a life
rough and disgusting
never, ever trusting
traffic lights or strangers in the night
there was a life

4/19/2012

wake up with the shakes
don’t know which breath to take
cause the more these words escape
the less I sleep

drawn out and on the dime
told my momma I’m feelin’ fine
but I’m always checkin’ the time
I don’t wanna leave

oh maybe it’s me
but I’d bet money
it’s not just me
so maybe it’s you
but you haven’t a clue
what the hell to do
so maybe it’s us
oh maybe it’s we
baby, plurality
crept in between
when did you and me
turn into we?

I could use a drink
or I could take a drive
anything to put
these thoughts out my mind
I could sing a song
or I could write a line
anything to put
these thoughts out my mind

11/22/2011

I am breathless in the morning
dead eyed at the dawn
there’s a city ripe for wandering
and I won’t remain for long
these nights are spent out of my head
without the proper words to say
just hiding in someone’s skin
whilst my mind drifts further away

call me to those old roads home
with blurred vision and a song in my throat
the sun is up enough to fill my lungs
there’s a warmth I’m eating up
I don’t feel too put together but
I’ve sure as hell been more torn apart
are we a mess of flesh
or a breath of rest
I don’t want to get
caught up in this
web of intent affection and time spent
building up to a break
and so
I will not stay

the sun is up and my engines hum
is keeping my eyes wide
for now...

11/10/2011

you’ll have to excuse me
stepping out for a week
getting out of this city
and heading for heat
this weather is waning
bearing down on me
and these country roads home
are too dark to see
I need a sunrise
to match my wild eyes
concerned with the world elsewhere
while my body is stiffening
frozen and grounded here
before long these roads will be covered
and I’ll be trapped in this haven called home
it’s the only place that I know
I'm seeking somewhere else to go.

11/4/2011

I needed you
not like I thought I did
holding on to someone who wouldn’t give
anything
because love was never on your mind
I needed you
to ruin my life
because it wasn’t right
I wasn’t doing anything right

walking the same streets
taking the same roads
never feeling at home
I needed the means to leave
I needed to be
completely
dissatisfied with myself and my state
I needed the drive to drive myself away
you gave that to me

I don’t want to run into you
when I’m wandering through this town
I’ll stick to my side of the road
and I won’t cross if I know
you could be on the other side
why confront what I don’t want?
moved on and grew up
I’m not saying I don’t give a fuck
but the fuck that I give
just isn’t enough
to call and catch up
don’t call to catch up
don’t call to catch up
don’t call to catch up
it’s not enough

I’ll miss this city
but I won’t miss you
I’ll miss this city
but I won’t miss you
I won’t miss you.